advice for young adults
Many years ago when I was in my teens, I faced excruciating anxiety about the future. Not knowing who I was, what to do, what the purpose of life was. Now that I am older, I still face anxiety at times, but have realized that this is natural and human. The important thing is to not let fear dictate your actions and move forward in spite of your fears.
At the time, I crossed paths with Andres Amador1 via email and he gave some excellent advice that I wanted to re-share in the hopes that it helps you, dear friend.
Question: What do I do with my life?
The short answer is that you need to be true to yourself. The problem, especially for someone so young, is that the figuring out of who we are is a lifelong journey. Honestly, its only been recently, in the past 5 years or less perhaps, that I have able to stand in the solidity of who I feel myself to be (and I'm 42!). I feel that when someone leaves high school they should have to leave the country for a year minimum of service/exploration. We can't know who we are when we only have our own context to gauge ourselves from. Experiences are crucial to learning who we are, to learning our preferences and our tendencies, our inclinations, our traps. We place such a burden on our youth to figure out their lives when they have not yet truly lived. It leads to a stress in the moment and at worst to a defining and narrowing of ourselves that can have lifelong impact- at its most limiting when we define our options based on perceived financial reward and go in a direction that is truly unsatisfying. The positive is that we are always in control of who we express ourselves as- never forget that. It allows one to have a more relaxed approach to seemingly heavy decisions- there is always the potential to shift course (although it could be easier to shift earlier than later...). I am expecting my first child in about 2 months. So I might look at this question as one directed towards that person in your position. How would I advise my own child, someone I have an intimately connected desire to 'succeed' (by which I mean 'find a path of sustainable happiness'), someone for whom I cannot have a dispassionate, quixotic response? I think I would be starting much earlier in life to inculcate the awareness of their internal pullings, to recognize and appreciate the movement of their heart. From that place, were they to choose to go directly to college, or to an apprenticeship, or to travel, or to work, I would trust that they were acting according to the internal guidance system that is uniquely theirs and that will always move them towards greater expansion of their being. It is an abstract concept, but here is my actual answer to all questions that arise in our lives: 'what has my light shining brighter?' Whether its about where to live or what to eat or who to associate with or what work to do, this question is appropriate as a gauge to the aspect of our experience that has a far deeper impact on us than any other (such as financial, rationality, etc). Here's a way to engage the question- when contemplating the options, which one has your body feeling most easeful, which has your heart running more quickly, which has you feeling scared in a nervous excited way? In contrast, which has you feeling tense, sapped of energy, or anxious? Life is not 'supposed' to 'look' any particular 'way'. Each of us is on our own journey of realizing our own unique potential. There is no roadmap for any of us, and that is the scary part- stepping off the trail and into the wilderness to chart our own path. There is no guarantee. Of course, there is no guarantee in life for anything at all. Doing something for the security it offers is perhaps the worst mistake we can make for not only are we giving up our more expanded potential, but we may not arrive at what we are aiming for, which makes the effort even less worthwhile. This is not to say that efforting towards something is not worthwhile- but that efforting without that internal motivation is not worthwhile. Only you can feel this, only you can understand this (even when you can't actually, understand it). You can't look to others for the cues to what it should be and thats where it can be hard at your age with parental and later societal pressures to 'be something'. Follow your heart the best you can from wherever you find yourself. Life is a continuous unfolding, with our understanding of ourself in constant evolution, which will have you coming to different conclusions at different times in the journey. The only constant is the question I posed- 'what has your light shining brightest?' Follow that and no matter what, you will feel happiest about the journey, even as 'mistakes' are made (which is a necessary part of living). And remember- it is never too late to redefine ourselves and to shift course. I wish you well on your journey, its an amazing and exciting one even as its scary. Blessings ~Andres